Conflicting moral scrupulosity OCD
What I read in an article by Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht ND RP called Moral scrupulosity OCD sounded familiar.
What I read in an article by Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht ND RP called Moral scrupulosity OCD sounded familiar.
Take this list from the article:
My internal moral code (as shaped by OCD)
I must never cause harm—emotionally, physically, or morally—to anyone, even unintentionally.
I must always tell the truth—even when it causes discomfort, confusion, or personal consequences.
I must not upset anyone—even slightly—or I’ve failed as a good person.
I must always be fair, impartial, and morally pure in my intentions.
I must always make the most ethically correct choice, even if it costs me everything.
If someone sees me as unkind, unethical, or selfish, it must be true—and I must fix it immediately.
I must never break rules—even if the rules don’t make sense, or no one else is following them.
I must be accountable for every mistake, misstep, or misunderstanding.
I must not allow myself to feel good if there is still more I could do to help, repair, or be better.
I must not trust my own goodness unless it’s been externally verified.
This entire list felt very familiar.
I also feel the constant internal conflicts within this code.
An example that comes up regularly in recent years is the conflict I have between not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, and my sense of justice and duty around anti-racism and anti-colonialism.
I'm aware of White Fragility. I know that for many (most?) White people who haven’t spent the time to learn about Racism (because they are indoctrinated to believe it is related to individual rudeness), that they get very angry/upset/etc even at the topic being brought up.
I've lost friends because they felt I was accusing them personally of something merely by bringing up the reality of the racist systems we live under. I'm aware the topic causes emotional harm to some individuals, but I also feel my not speaking up about ideologies and institutions that harm most peoples is the greater wrong.
Here is an example of an online comment I made from a few days ago that I stressed over for days, not knowing if I should have posted it or if I should have deleted it. I’ve finally decided I needed to have erred on the side of it being a duty for me to harness my white priviledges to share what I have learned.
So much Ick while reading this one.
An individual cannot declare Independence from Whiteness (not being racialized), they can only stop identifying with the systems of racism, stop protecting the systems of racism, and start the heavy work required to dismantle the systems of racism. (Be anti-racist)
If a racialized person mentions a truth (that some individual doesn't have to deal with the real life-altering impacts of racialization), and that individual tries an individual move to innocence such as telling one of those off-topic stories listed in this article, it won't make them sound "liberated" at all.
Systems must be dismantled -- individuals rejecting, or performing personal moves to innocence, are meaningless at best (if we are being kind). There is WORK to do (not personal declarations) to make fundamental changes to the Constitutions of fundamentally racist governance institutions such as the United States and Canada which are built upon racist concepts such as the Doctrine of Discovery/etc.
Under fundamentally racist systems such as Canada and the USA there is no such thing as "Not Racist" or sticking your head in the sand and pretending it doesn't exist. There is only "Racist" and "Anti-Racist".
https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist
Confederate flag in US Capitol, and other "not racist" myths we tell ourselves.
The author of Metaviews is someone I've known for decades, and someone I have recently become a good online friend. I felt I needed to reply even though I know how emotionally fraught it is to talk to White people about race (and Whiteness, which is the subjective lack of racialization).
I am aware there is a belief that racialization is a binary (you are White or you are racialized, in all scenarios), when it was always created as a social hierarchy that has always depended on who you are interacting with.
Someone might be from a group that is 0% racialized. Under the systems of Canada, that might be what some call Old Stock British, although a few recent Canadian Prime Ministers have used the phrase “Old Stock Canadians” to include French settlers given Canada is by-colonial (British and French, with those settler-colonial cultures granted priviledges within Canadian law, Culture and Values).
A Canadian of New France descent might be 5% racialized, Scottish 10%, Irish 12% or Ashkenazi Jewish 20% racialized, but this does not make them “not White” simply because they are not at the very top of the racial hierarchy. Even if these groups have specific circumstances interacting with a group higher in the hierarchy, doesn’t make them the victims of the hierarchy.
(Although all of humanity is diminished by the ongoing existence of the social construct of race, and the systems which protect and impose this hierarchy, which is why everyone needs to become anti-racist)
If you want to read about the conflict from the perspective of a racialized author, one example is Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race.
This book was sparked by a blog article by the same author.
Amidst every conversation about Nice White People feeling silenced by conversations about race, there is a sort of ironic and glaring lack of understanding or empathy for those of us who have been visibly marked out as different for our entire lives, and live the consequences. It’s truly a lifetime of self-censorship that people of colour have to live. The options are: speak your truth and face the reprisal, or bite your tongue and get ahead in life. It must be a strange life, always having permission to speak and feeling indignant when you’re finally asked to listen. It stems from white people’s never questioned entitlement, I suppose.
as someone who's always interested in brokering peace, I think your strategy and Jesse's strategy can both work because people have very different personalities that interfere with methodology.
There's not one path or one cure in my opinion.
I also say this is someone who has been white, passing white and not passing white, depending on the situation I'm in... I'm also the father of three multi ethnic individuals who don't share all of my ethnicity... I just think it's very complicated... :)