Don’t assume I must not be trying because “it’s easy” (for you).
I really enjoy these articles by Lyric Lark Rivera (AKA: NeuroDivergent Rebel). What they write regularly resonates with me so much, and reminds me of things I have also felt for so much of my life.
I wrote this on Facebook on June 19, 2024. As I’m reducing my participation on Facebook, I’m reposting it here.
I really enjoy these articles by Lyric Lark Rivera, also known as
. What they write regularly resonates with me so much, and reminds me of things I have also felt for so much of my life.
In highschool (1982-1987) I had remedial handwriting and spelling work given to me. I am terrible at remembering spellings, names, or other such things which I can’t visualize into my memory. I didn’t realize what was happening at the time, I only thought I was “dumb” because these things were easy for everyone else.
I was very interested (“very” apparently being to the level of an Autistic Special Interest, Monotropism) in computers and had already learned to type fairly fast on a computer by the time I took a typewriter course. I nearly failed that class because I would jam up the keys on the manual typewriters, and there was no “delete” key as I would notice my hands didn’t quite go to the correct place in the right order (left and right hand not quite at same speed) and would correct automatically on a computer.
The things I was good at were never things I thought were worth noticing. I was always told that people are all the same (I was taught to be “colour blind” which made me racist AF), and thus if I found something easy it meant everyone found that easy. It was only the things that everyone else found easy that I found hard that mattered – and proved I was defective in some way.
When I won awards, I always felt inside like someone was taking pity on me. I wasn't as grateful or gracious as I should have been.
I know some family/friends wished I wasn’t talking about different types of diversity so much (social hierarchy of social construct called race, gender diversity, sexual orientation diversity, neurotype diversity), but this is what growth looks like for me. This is both personal in that I am learning to think of myself and treat myself better for my differences, but to also better understand how so many other people feel “othered” by a culture that pretends everyone is the same (and has a detestable social hierarchy defining what arbitrary traits are claimed to be "better" than other traits).
As part of my post I was sharing their post.
I graduated from Grade 12, but I wasn’t in the Library Club. Maybe I was spending to much time in the computer lab/etc. My memory is tied to various rooms and various teachers, but not to specific years.
Grade 12 was confusing to me. It was the last year of the school (it was closing), and the next year I was going to Nickel District school for my Grade 13.
I wasn't one to go to the cerimonies, but teachers (some I considered friends) kept asking that I sign up, etc, etc. Turns out I was going to get some awards.
I felt appreciated and celebrated by my teachers, even if I didn't connect with many people my own age.
So much of that experience growing up finally makes sense....
This was fantastic. Very touching. You're not "brave" because I don't like how that's been re-connoted in modern times, but that sentiment goes here!